Imagine it. You’re on a night out with the boys. The rounds of drinks and laughs are flowing and you’re feelin’ awesome. You scan the bar and spot her. You spot a group of people nearby and then you spot her. A girl who is so smoking hot that she stops your talking. You can’t help but check her out.
You get up, as almost in a trance and walk straight over to her. You tap her on the arm and say hey. As she turns to face you, armed with your best smile and approach, you start chatting to her. Yet, as you speak she doesn’t seem interested. Worse, she seems to be unnerved and freaked out by you and walks away.
What went wrong? Alcohol! Welll, sorry, I should correct that: Too much alchohol! I’ll give you props for approaching the hot girl but what you’re drinking beforehand may be causing you far more problems, then you can imagine! Sadly, for a lot of guys, they don’t understand the link to alcohol consumption and luck with the ladies. There is a world of difference between a ‘refreshing drink’ to ‘Dutch Courage’ and ‘drunk’. I’m afraid too many guys don’t know when they have crossed that line. Once you cross that divide, you literally scare off any women that you like as the night progresses. Alcohol is what is known as a Blindspot for many men and it may be damaging your chances with women.
So what is a Blindspot and how may it be affecting me?
A Blindspot is something that is affecting your potential with women but it is something that you are not aware that you are even doing. Still unsure? A blindspot when you are driving in a car, is the area that you can’t see when looking looking forward or through either the rear-view or side mirrors. You can’t see the Blindspot unless you turn and look for it. That is an example of a physical blindspot. However, there are blindspots in all areas of life, including when trying to attract women.
For the most part, most guys know or at least have a inklin as to what they are doing wrong with regards to women. You know if you are too out of shape, you will guess if you don’t dress well, it is pretty obvious if you don’t approach girls and so on. For the best part, you know what you are doing wrong. Yet, with a Blindspot, you aren’t even consciously aware of it as a problem. Alcohol is typically the number one Blindspot for men. I will go into how to become more confident at a later time, but let’s look at how this blindsot may be affecting you.
Take a typical night out for a group of lads, when they get together to go out on the pull. You see the glasses being clicked together, and the (normally bright!) liquid thrown down the hatch. This is typicallypreceeded with the battle cry of ‘one for Dutch Courage’. ‘Dutch Courage’ is the act of taking a few pre-approach drinks before you approach women. It can be a beneficial practise to do when you are just starting out approaching girls. To try to approach sober in a club or pub environment, typically causes a newbie to shut down and not approach due to nerves. The alcohol will lessen your inhibitions and help ease the feelings of fear, which in turn makes you feel more confident. The increased confidence gives you the guts to go and approach the girls. However, once you get better with approaching, alcohol shouldn’t be needed. You should drink bcause you want to and enjoy it, not because you need it to chat to the hot girls.
Sadly, few men ever proceed past the learning stage. They drink, feel confident and then make approaches to the girls. This works well in theory but the downside of this, is that it is fake confidence. You are not being real or authentic, with yourself or the girl. You are relying on an outside factor to enable you to do something. Girls can see the fakeness in the approach. Girls know that it is bollocks and that it is ‘the drink talking’. Girls want you, the real you. They want to meet you, to meet the real you, with all your strengths and flaws. They don’t want someone who isn’t confident enough in themselves that they have to rely on a substance to approach them. Girls understand how much confidence and guts it takes a guy to approach them. It feels as if you are cheating them by drinking and they tend to reject you.
All the alcohol does is give you a fake high and fake confidence that evaporates as your body gets rid of the alcohol. It won’t help you the next day, when she wants to meet again (however, few guys ever manage to get a date!) So, to get that confidence again, guys drink again and again, to keep that confidence. However, as you drink, the alcohol starts to have a number of effects on you. It effects your speech. You may start to slur your words. You may be unsteady on your feet. You may start to become loud and obnoxious. There are plenty more potential problems as you get drunker and drunker! As you drink more and more, your health takes a pounding. The alcohol starts to be stored as fat and your liver struggles with the intake of alcohol. The offset? You become fat and may be more partial to illnesses and viruses, as well as alcohol increasing the chances of your mini-me becoming unresponsive and floppy (if you manage to fake you way home with her)! This seems like a lot of downsides to me (and no doubt, to you too), just to get some short-lived confidence. Wouldn’t it be easier to become more naturally confident, which in turn will make you more attractive to girls whether you drunk or sober?
Another problem, is how you look drunk to the girl. In the club or pub environment (and even on the street), your first meeting with the girl is essential. In the time it takes you to walk up to her, get her attention and say your ‘opener’, she has already made up her mind about you. You get 30 seconds to sell yourself to her. That’s it. Don’t get me wrong here guys, you are selling yourself to her. You are selling her the package of what she sees of you, right there and then. She doesn’t know you. She doesn’t know your history, life experiences and the like. She doesn’t know if you are a fun guy or would be a great boyfriend for her or not. She can only make an assumption on you from what you do and say at that moment. You want to nail that first impression. You want to walk up to her, smile confidently and open naturally and start a conversation.
However, too many guys feel the need to drown a lake of beer and then make the approach. When you do this, you may find it difficult to stay steady on your feet, you may slur your words, you may go pale as the posionious effects of the alcohol start to take place and so on. This is hardly endearing to the girl. Imagine what it will be like for her – a guy stumbles over to her, he is talking incoherently and loudly to her, he is barely listening to her and looks like he may fall over or be sick. She may even feel frightened or grossed out. Why take the risk? You think you’re been charming, funny and confident, and she’s looking for the exit.
Another problem that too much beer causes is that you don’t even notice the women that are into you. I’m sure that you’ve heard of the supposed things women do when they find you attractive (these are commonly referred to as Indictators of Interest or IOL’s in the Game community). These include: playing with their hair when talking to you, touching you for any reason, looking at you and then away and then back at you etc. The problem with these indictators, is that they are small, short and subtle. At the start of the night, you are more likely to spot these. However, as you drink more and more, your facilties start to go south! Your reaction speeds aren’t the best and you don’t catch her glances at you or the subtle little signs she is sending you, wanting you to approach her. By drinking heavy, you may miss out on the girls who want you! Wouldn’t it be better to control yourself and nail these hot girls?!
A particularly worrying addition to this, is the guys who don’t even know that they are drinking too much. For some guys, they feel the need to go out and get as drunk as possible. They don’t use the drink to give them confidence to approach. They simply drink, drink, and drink some more. Deep down, they hate themselves for their inability to approach girls and lack of success with women. This internal hatred, makes them want to drink more and more. Over time, this can lead them to developing severe inner game issues such as depression, low self esteem etc, dangerous conditions such as liver failure and lose friends and or get into fights. It is a viscous circle to get trapped in. You drink to escape the feelings of inadequacy that are building in you, yet it is the drink that magnifies them. These are the people that need to question why they feel this way and work to sort them out. Drinking only makes the problem worse.
Ok, so I see why it is a Blindspot and a bad thing. How do I know if it is a problem for me?
Ask yourself and be honest, the following questions:
- Do you always need a drink before you go out to clubs?
- Do you always need a drink or two before you feel confident enough to approach girls?
- Have you never approached and chatted up a girl when sober?
- Have you ever put off approaching a girl as it was too early in the night and wanted a few more drinks first?
- Do you feel as if there is something wrong with you or something that you need to forget about when you are out approaching women?
If you answer YES for any of them, then you may have a Blindspot with alcohol. I would suggest that you consider the role that alcohol is playing in your ‘Game’ with women. Is it a false crux which you think is giving you confidence where infact it is holding you back? Answer yourself honestly, what do you think is ‘wrong’ with you? Why do you need the alcohol to feel confident? Do you feel that you are not interesting enough? Confident enough? That you don’t lead an exciting enough life to attract girls? Not good looking enough? Ask yourself and listen to the answers. Your mind is a powerful thing. It will help you find limitations and beliefs that are holding you back. Once we have these so called ‘problems’, we can make a plan to eradictate them and get you better with women.
So what should I do now?
Challenge yourself. The next time you are out, control what you drink. Trying going out solo if you struggle to control your drinking when out with friends (a lot of guys are scared of friends who want to change themselves and will want to drag you own with them). Try alternating what you drink to begin with. Drink one alcholic drink and the next time, take a soft drink. This will keep you far more sober than usual. Use this to chat to some hot women! Another thing you can try is to go out and approach women sober. By staying sober during the night, you have to rely on yourself, nothing else. It is scary at first but the confidence you can gain from it can be life changing. If you struggle to stay sober, consider driving you and your friends to the pub or club. By driving, you and your friends know that you can’t drink so you won’t be pressured into drinking. There are numerous other things that you do to control your drinking. The point of this is to change the hait of drinking to give you confidence. You don’t need to drink to become confident. You are perfect the way you are natuarally. You already have the gifts and talents that you need to be attractive to women. Think about why you drink – ask yourself what you are hiding from. Is there something in your life that you are not happy with? What is holding you back and sucking your confidence from you? What is sucking away your self-esteem? Once you know the answer, you can work on solving it. In future articles, I will be discussing how to get back into shape, how to sort out your finances, upgrading your clothes and so on. However, please feel free to email me with any problems that you would like me to talk about it in future articles.
To conclude, please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that all alcohol is bad and must be avoided. I like to drink when I go out. I love to have a few drinks when I am in a pub or club. Yet I don’t rely on it to approach girls. I have confidence in myself as a person and the value that I offer to girls. Drinking when out, is a pleasure that is ok to endulge in. The problems begin when you rely on the alcohol to approach. It is at that point that you start to consider yourself inadequate and need something else to approach. You should never feel that you need alcohol to approach. Now get out there and pull hot girls like the natural that you are!
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By Brad Branson of RSD
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I’m on an inner game kick men. Let’s dig in.
In Awaken the Giant Within, Tony Robbins explains how there are three types of realities that create your belief structures.
1. Opinions
2. Beliefs
3. Convictions
Opinions are rather tenuous. This is due to the fact that you don’t have many reference experiences reinforcing them. If some experience or event makes you second-guess a given opinion, it can easily be changed.
A belief is much stronger and harder to change. You usually have many more reference experiences reinforcing a belief, and if you have strong emotions tied to an experience that holds up the belief, it becomes more resolute.
Convictions are even more powerful. These are the types of belief structures that cause someone to become a missionary, or a suicide bomber. The person holds a belief so strongly that it becomes a blanket reality where every action they take is filtered through this conviction.
Emotions and Beliefs
We are going to talk about beliefs here, and how emotions come into play.
Well, this is my interpretation, but emotions are visceral indicators that your body gives you when something in your environment tests a belief.
Let’s say you just broke up with your girlfriend. You feel pain. What is that pain associated with?
Keep Reading Post a comment (1)Being Awkward Socially
The value of embarrassment
Nothing will guarantee your safety against the odd rejection if you try and meet women everywhere you are. Social awkwardness will continue to ride you no matter what. At certain moments, you will be unable to think of anything interesting to say and your crowd will go to sleep right there in front of you. Embarrassment and awkwardness will continue but its meaning can change to you. The more you confront social awkwardness and face it dead-on, the more it will lose its grip on you. It will feel neither dangerous nor threatening. It will have less of an impact on your levels of self-esteem; you won’t depend so much on others to validate you and you will become internally validated. You won’t stop being yourself despite your embarrassments and mistakes.
Socially awkward moments, through repetition, will feel like making day-to-day mistakes like forgetting to buy milk at the supermarket or leaving your ID at home and so on. They won’t feel dramatic at all.
Changing behaviours through changing meaning
Through social experimentation, you can change behaviours that affect you today. Behaviours only change when we attach a different meaning to social mistakes. Through social “faux pas” repetition you re-evaluate social threats and dangers so they come to have a different meaning to you.
A lot have been said about change and what it takes to change. I don’t think I can add anything new that has not been out there in any way, matter or form.
I personally have experienced quite a few dramatic changes in my life too.
I have tried to explain, articulate, and teach what goes into changing to fail every time. I have learned bits and pieces here and there. I have taught those but there is always a lack of a defined map for change.
Changing The Scene
Many people change after a change of scenery.
I remember as far back as elementary school, changing schools was dramatic. I didn’t have the usual friends and the usual scenery. Even as a small child I was thrown into an uncharted territory and forced to thrive on my own. I remembered those school changes as forcing me to grow or sometimes retreat into a shell. I changed 3 times of schools and finally settled as I went into 7th grade into a school and environment where I felt I belonged more. I started doing better, practiced more sports, made more friends but it finally ended when I went to high school. I went to a dorm school and it really shook my foundations. This was by far the craziest environment I ever been thrown to, one that was hard adapt- it was a shock.
All these changes forced me to change who I was in order to adapt-of course, I was a kid growing up, forming a personality but still- they all stroke my core, my identity.
Identity level change. The accelerator
The accelerator for change is usually an event or a series of them. They send you into a major life transition be it a drastic change of scenery or a life event-death of a loved one-, or even a positive one-winning of the lottery.
Most people think the accelerator has to be a negative one. Contrary to popular opinion the accelerator for change can be a “positive” event. Some people become miserable after winning the lottery or inheriting a large sum of money. It turns out that saying good bye to their old life-read old identity-, is troublesome and sad even if their old identity sucks. They find themselves struggling to adapt to the new life or “identity”.
Going out 4 nights a week will challenge your usual routine of watching TV or surfing the net for endless hours. Even if watching TV sucks you will find it hard to change this habit. You will want to go back to that life after going out for a while. You want the comfort of your living room without girls. It sucks but you will want it. Even if you are making out with girls in bars and getting a lay here and there. I remember many a Friday coming back from work, tired and wanting to stay home and watch TV.
Keep Reading Post a comment (1)Getting out of your comfort zone whatever or wherever it is right now with a daring task.
You know you are cheating. You know your game will not get good. You know you won’t get the girls you want by staying there. But still there is a strong pull to stay there and don’t do anything. Hard core sometimes. And it doesn’t get any better when you don’t succeed in your approaches, it actually gets worse. The pull of the comfort zone drags you back even stronger and more steadily. Insidiously.
Nobody can win this game. Nobody. Why? There are years of programming pulling you back and there are promises of a better life pulling you forward. But those promises are weak in the light of rejections, how can I go forward with all this around me? Rejection feels like death. Especially if you have been rejected before, and it hurt you bad, the pull to stay girl-less and dick-less is ever stronger. It is not so bad after all. You go out, you don’t approach or barely approach, you go home and jack off to porn, nobody gets hurt, better safe than sorry right…. But deep down inside there is a feeling bothering you, telling you that you are cheating. This is not meant to be you, the you that you dreamed of when you first got in the game and started reading about and trying to emulate those “pickup guys” or at least tried to model.
But, hey, better safe than sorry. That piece drags you back right away. You step into a club, you see that loud music, those girls high on booze jumping up and down and you get scared. Oh, man, rejection is a bad thing. What if they don’t like me? What if they find out that I have no life or I am a dork?
While your mind tries to project the future, your body stays in the hateful comfort zone. It doesn’t move. The “ifs” paralyze you. “What if”…what if you approached. What if you approached all night, got blown out all night, and got the last girl, in the last set. But then again, what if I didn’t. Is it worth the risk? Is it worth the pain?
This is the all too familiar concept of “homeostasis” at work.
In other words, resistance to change, to do something differently, to risk failure.
Keep Reading Post a comment (4)
Most guys assume that they are amazing in bed. They listen to their girl ‘loving it’ and think that there the man. Yet, she should be given an Oscar for her acting. However, with a few small changes, you can blow her mind!
One of the pet hates I heard from most girls (yes – listen to them! You’d be amazed at the little slabs of Gold that you can gain and use to your advantage!) was that most guys don’t do foreplay. Some did some occassional work with their fingers or a quick few flicks with thier tongues and expect brownie points for their ‘hard’ work.
Foreplay is one of the things women just can’t get enough of. For women, foreplay is almost - if not, equally – as important as sex itself. 70% of women don’t orgasm with penetration alone, and this is why foreplay exists to aid and ease them along for the climax.
Here are foreplay tips that will help you turn everyday frolicking into something that will have any woman you seduce begging for satisfaction – and this means satisfaction on your part too.
1. Talk and tease
The brain is a major sexual organ that easily visualizes and imagines. The power of suggestion can be as great as the sex itself for many women. Describe to her how you want to touch her, where, and with which part of your body, and she’ll be begging you to have sex with her in due time. If you need to touch her while you dirty talk, avoid touching her breasts and vagina. Instead, drive her wild and wet for you by focusing on her neck, wrists, inner thighs, lower back and ears. Another great place is the back of her knees. Aim for places that get hardly any attention.
2. Get started in public
If both of you are OK with the thought of public displays of affection (PDA), try doing some fun things in the open. And by fun things, we mean like rubbing her breasts or respectfully patting her ass in a restaurant, kissing her passionately while at a bar or dirty dancing at a nightclub. If you show her that she turns you on via PDA, when you finally do get privacy, the good times will lead to some carnal indulgences. A good tip is to put your arm around her waist and walk with her tight into you. Slip your hand on her bum now and then and on occassions, run your hand on her belly under her top. Your fingers on her bare skin will drive her wild.
3. Strip down
A striptease isn’t limited to pleasing men anymore. While we’re not telling you to attempt to dance while holding a sulty pout for her, we do recommend that you remove your clothes slowly. A tip: Remove socks first. Nothing turns a woman off faster than seeing a naked man with his socks on. Now that you’ve gotten that out of the way, remove your shirt (unbutton slowly while maintaining eye contact), then your trousers and finally your underwear. Involve her in the act – ask her to unbutton your shirt or pull it off your shoulders. Get her mind locked on you and emoions flowing and you’ll reap the rewards.
4. Use your fingers and give her oral pleasure
Bring your hand to her vaginal area and, with the tips of your fingers, rub her outer lips of her vagina by spreading them apart and bringing them back together, that should make her wet fast enough.
When she spreads her legs a bit, that’s a clear indication that she wants you to touch her a little deeper. At this point, start rubbing her inner lips and then move up to her clitoris, which you should rub in a circular motion. Alter the speed and pressure you use. Watch her face and movements when you do different things. Learn to recognise what works and she’ll be in seventh heaven. Slip your fingers into her vagina and use an action as if you were signalling her to come to you. Feel that little hard ball at the top? That’s her G-Spot! Work with it and make her heart race.
Finally, drive her wild by bringing your mouth to the area and while you continue to use your fingers to play around inside her, suckle her clitoris to give her some great oral pleasure. Don’t just suck or lick. Mix it up! Lick, nibble, suck. Tender flicks with your tongue, deep thrusts – whatever you do, make it all about her. Use your hands to rub her breasts or thighs and bum as you work with your mouth. When you find what works, stay with it, let her adapt the pressure and level you are entering her by moving her hips and stay there until she blows!
5. Watch some sex and kiss her
Porn can be a great way to get you and your girl in the mood. Just be sure that you pick something tailored to women, even if you do like your porn a little rough. Lay naked with each other while you watch it. And every now and then, stop watching and kiss her or play with her body. Make sure you’re paying more attention to her than you do to the movie.
And that’s it. Five easy ways to drive your girl wild with foreplay. Remember though, every woman is different and while one technique may work with one, it might not work for another. Pay attention to her responses and you won’t go wrong.
