So·cia·ble/ˈsōSHəbəl/
Adjective:
Willing to talk and engage in activities with other people; friendly.

 

I’m always asked what my number one tip is for guys who want to be better at attracting/being better with/shagging more girls and my answer is to be Sociable. That’s it. No magic formula or golden set of pickup lines. No, I’m not going to try and sell you my latest product or anything like that. It’s simple. If you want to improve with women, the most important thing that you can do is learn how to be Sociable. Let me explain ….

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you are trying to get better with women is to concentrate solely on the women. It’s sounds counter intuitive I know, how can it possibly be wrong to spend all your time just working on pulling and nailing women? It’s wrong for a number of reasons. The main problem is that it builds up poor social skills. Attracting women or ‘Gaming’ as it’s known in the Pick-Up industry is a skill just like any other. You need to work on it, almost daily if possible, to get better.

However, by simply concentrating on the women, you develop one sided social skills. When you focus solely on the women, men have a tendency to put the girl on a pedestal. By that, I mean because, you have set the sole outcome of getting with the girl; the outcome of having sex with her, you raise her to be the best thing ever. Rather than seeing her as a normal human being, you promote her to a god-like entity. The girl becomes everything to you.  You laugh at every joke she tells, no matter how crap, you won’t leave her alone all night, you hang on every word she says and when she goes to the toilets, you hang around waiting for her to come out of the lavatory rather than talking to someone else in the meantime. These are just a few examples of how clingy men can become when they put a girl on the pedestal.

SO WHY IS THAT BAD?

By focusing solely on the lady, you promote her so high that you start to feel inferior. You believe that as she is so good, as she is this amazing being, that you are not worthy of her and that the only way to ‘get her’ is to be someone else. To become this person, you hide the real you and become a fake version that you think that she’ll like. You don’t believe your personal qualities will be enough and you forget how unique, funny, smart etc you are and decide that you need to hide all of your so called ‘failures’. To counter your supposed flaws, you decide that you need to replace them with something else. Like a numbnuts, you search on the internet for what you can use to ‘get’ or even worse to trick women into sleeping with you. Your search will bring up thousands of web pages, full of information on how to attract the women, each technique highlighting how it is infallible and it will make you a stud! These techniques will tell you how to talk, what to say, how to walk and all that other razz. I’m sure that you can see the appeal of this. You just need to go out, have some drinks to build up your courage to approach a girl, and then rehash what you’ve read and bang! You’ll walk out with the girl, who is fawning all over you and can’t wait to get you into bed. Yet, ask yourself, how often do you think that this works? I’ll tell you, almost never! Sure you may pick up the really drunk girl, who let’s face it would go with anyone, but trust me that girl is more trouble than she’s worth. These techniques will not work on the high quality girls that you should be looking to pull (and no, we are not going to start with low down girls) So you try what the net says and it fails, so what do you think? You decide that you obviously weren’t doing it right and look for something else to try. This leads to two new problems.

Being fake won't get you this!

Firstly, you keep looking for this golden material that will help you pull the girl but there is no such thing as a never fail routine. Routines have so many potential reasons to fail that they do more harm then good. Having being natural and tried routines, I noted that routines are more likely to fail. As you fail again and again, you get so locked into reading up on routine after routine, that you may end up not actually going out to try it. You keep clicking link after link to the next webpage on the latest routine to get the girl. You read webpage after webpage, fantasying how you will use this information and how this is the golden ticket to all women … until the next site anyway! As you get so engrossed in reading, you end up being ‘paralysed by analysis’. You have so much information coming in that you spend all your time reading, you never actually go out your front door to meet any real life women. Unfortunately, this is a bloody easy trap to fall into.

This leads me nicely onto the next problem. As you use the canned material again and again, you will fail again and again. You see, Girls know it’s rehearsed. They can tell that it is not authentic and you are not being you, not being the real you. Girls know that you are being someone else and that you have no confidence in yourself and they reject you. Fake people are never attractive. Yet, you persist with the material. You try again and again and fail almost 100% of the time. Instead of thinking the material is the problem, you start to blame yourself. You let each failure chip away at your confidence and self-esteem to the point that you decide that every rejection from a girl (without knowing the real reason she said no – there are hundreds by the way!) is a personal rejection and gradually you will feel bad until you feel like a waste of space. This obviously makes you feel really bad and will leak into all areas of your life and cause a lot of negative outcomes. Eventually you stop going out. You no longer have any confidence in yourself, you settle for any girl you can get (no matter how bad they are). As your confidence wains, you let your appearance go and this in turn, leads to you becoming introverted and so on. You become so messed up, that you don’t value anything about yourself anymore.

SO WHAT SHOULD YOU DO THEN?

What I have found that works is to be social with everyone, regardless of gender, age, looks etc. Whatever, you are doing or wherever you are going, be sociable. So what do I mean by that? Well being sociable is when you make an effort to interact with people no matter what your doing and converse with them. Instead of just going about your business, you stop and speak to the people you meet. You ask about their day, you see how their life is going, that sort of thing. Being sociable is when you talk to others basically and the good thing is that you can practise this anywhere. For instance, when you are going food shopping, there are countless opportunities to develop your sociable skill (remember being sociable is a skill just like everything else – you need to work on it and strengthen it). There are the check out girls (ask what they have planned for later), the girl picking her fruit (ask what new fruit she recommends to try), the dude in the alcohol section (see if he can recommend a new brand of beer to try), there’s the trolley guy (make a joke about the weather) and so on. There are literally hundreds of opportunities a day to be sociable. The trick though is not to assign an outcome goal to the interaction, apart from just speaking to someone new. Keep your expectations small. By doing that, you can never fail. If your only goal is to simply talk to a new person, then you achieve it by simply opening your mouth! (If the girl is hot, then you may want to try and get her number though!)

Each time you take a opportunity to be sociable, you interact with a real person. You have a conversation with them and that sorts out a lot of problems you may be having when it comes to women. Firstly, it overcomes any anxiety (or seriously lessens it anyway) you may have in talking to strangers. Approach anxiety, no matter how people shape it, is simply a fear of talking to strangers. By talking to everyone, you work through the ‘fear’ of talking to strangers and it becomes second nature. Next, it offers you feedback. You can see, by how the other person acts with you. By watching the other person and how they interact with you, you can ascertain if you are being creepy, speaking too loud, not engaging them and so on. You can see if that ‘great’ joke you think is brilliant really works that well, far away from the lady you may use it on, to try and get into her pants.

Another benefit of being sociable, is that it develops your ability to confidently converse about a lot of different subjects. A problem guys have when talking to women is that they talk about safe topics only, topics that they know about or feel safe talking about (e.g. what you are interested in, what she does as a job etc). Or worse, they tend to interview the girl. They ask her question after question, not interacting with her, they simply interview her: What does she do what does she think of the music? What does she do as a job? and so on. This comes across as boring to the girl. Yes, asking about her is a good thing but throwing question after question at her is doomed to failure! It smacks of having no confidence in yourself to be part of the conversation, so you ask questions to keep talking to her.

By being sociable, you develop trust in yourself and your ability to talk about all subjects, regardless if you know about it or not (you may find that you stick to certain topics of interest when you start out but aim to expand what you talk about quickly to really improve yourself). Be becoming sociable, in effect, you become a people person. You learn to talk and interact with people, regardless if they are a stranger or not. You lose the nerves you used to get when thinking of approaching that hot girl, as you realise that she is just like everyone else. You realise that she is just a normal person going about their day and is neither better or worse than you. You change the roles of the interaction – women are normally the ones who choose if they will sleep with you or not, men have to attract them. By removing that pedestal, you are on a level playing field with her. She is not special to you, she is one girl out of billions, you can decide if she is good enough for you. In effect, you become the chooser (this is a role reversal that I will cover in future posts).

Remember, this is what being Sociable will help you get!

I’m sure you can see how this helps you with the ladies. If not, keep reading! By becoming sociable and working on developing it daily (trust me, it becomes really fun to talk to everyone), you learn how to be authentic in interactions. Girls hate speaking to guys who they sense are being fake and pretending to be someone else, it is one of their major pet hates. By being sociable, not only do you come across as authentic, you also don’t become boring (by just asking interview style questions), you are able to discuss a lot of different topics and moreover, you in turn become interesting and fun to her. Remember always, that when you meet a girl out, they are looking to have fun, even girls you meet during the day (Daygame will be covered in another post) are always looking to meet fun and exciting new people. Don’t be dull, be sociable! As you open your mind to new topics and converse with others, you gradually build more confidence in yourself and your abilities to discuss anything and everything. Girls are attracted to that confidence and they will want you to interact with them, they will want to have fun with you. Girls, well no-one really, likes the dull person, who brings people down in any setting. Being sociable is infectious to others, people are attracted to the person talking to everyone and helping others have a good time as a knock-on effect. When girls see other girls and guys chatting to you, this intrigues them. People are social animals, we all want to be part of the cool group and this will in turn gets you social proof (will be covered in other posts) and social proof helps you get girls! Not only that, but by speaking to a lot of new people, you may find that you develop an interest in things that you never gave a chance to (simply because someone else talked about it), your perceived type of girl may change as you see that it’s not what you imagined it to be and so on. Best of all though, you may make some new friends and having friends are one of life’s greatest gifts (making friends etc will be looked at in more depth later).

I hope that I have shown you the merits of being sociable. To some people though, they won’t see this as a solution to their problem. Unfortunately, they will always look for the golden solution to their ‘problem’. They always want someone else to give them the solution. There is no problem to solve though! You are fine just the way you are! Human beings are designed to be sociable, to interact with one another. Unfortunately, in this age of texting, social media and the like, we have forgotten how to interact and communicate with other another. It is a lost skill that we each need to relearn. You see, it is within us already, in our genes, we just need to relearn how to be sociable. Yet, when we do, it changes our lives dramatically!

WEEKLY MISSION

To round off, I think a QB Mission is in order.

Please note: Where relevant, I will give a weekly challenge to you to complete. These challenges are to build your skills and to eliminate your weaknesses and blindspots (issues stopping you succeeding that you don’t realise are affecting you e.g. you drink far too much out and get very drunk – girls hate being chatted up by guys pissed out of their heads)

For the next week, talk to at least 3-5 other people per day, who are not in your social circle or family.

The Rules: You can not talk to them solely on the main reason for the interaction (i.e. if it is a waiter, you cannot count them off your 3-5 people, by asking them, what the specials are today). You need to speak to the person as a person, on their interests, on their day and so on. You cannot talk to someone on a social media site (like Facebook etc) and count that, even if they are a stranger!

Where to Try this: The best places to try is, are places like the mall/shopping centre, food shopping, on the high street, sporting events, gigs and so on. Public transport can be dangerous as people can feel threatened in the confines of a train or whatever. Some people can find a stranger talking to them when they cannot leave as unnerving, so you will need to use your discretion here. At first, tend to stick to people like cashiers, waiters, mechanics and the like, people who are naturally chatty as part of their jobs. Aim to develop harder choices as you get better at it.

Each time you do this, it will get easier and easier. The first time you try this, will probably be the hardest. As it is a new skill, your brain will try and stop the change in behaviour as it goes against your normal behaviour. However, push through that expected anxiety and it will gradually disappear. If you are really shy, I will allow you to count a person even if you just stop and ask someone new for the time, yet in all cases, I want you to push your comfort zone each time. Always be looking to improve in each interaction. There is never failure, only feedback. Each interaction you have, will teach you about you as a person. You will learn how to come across better by changes you make in each interaction from what you learned from previous interactions. You see how you are winning and what is going wrong and needs working on. Keep plugging away at it and you may end up having as much fun as the guy in the feature picture! Yet I’ve not even mentioned the main reason to do this, to be sociable, is that it is a lot of fun and every day should be full of fun!

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In today’s news is the ‘heart-warming’ story of the White Supremacist, who after marrying his girlfriend, had a change in his beliefs and decided (along with his partner) to end their gang affiliation. Bryon Widner and his partner Julie, both decided to change their lives and to better the future of their four children.

To change, he sent his Skinhead patch back to the gang and burnt all of his gang stuff but Bryon still found it difficult to move on with his life due to the permanent reminders of his past life. He applied for many jobs, but he found that with his facial tattoos, many potential employers were put off. After repeated rejections, his desperation got so bad that he even considered using acid to burn the tattoos off.

Thankfully he decided against that action, but with at least 25 laser removal operations needed, Bryon was worried about the cost. The cost of the procedures was vastly increasing into the thousands of dollars. Fortunately, a donor was found to help him finance the removal of the tattoos, only after ensuring that Bryon was serious about changing his life. Now after severely painful operations, where Bryon had to get a general anaesthetic each time due to the pain, Bryon now states that he feels human again. Bryon still experiences frequent migraines and can’t stay out in the sun due to the treatment but as he says, ‘it’s a small price to pay’.

So what can you take away from this? If someone can change their beliefs this much, what exactly is stopping you? Bryon endured pain and still endures complications due to the procedures but he decided that he wanted to change and did what he needed to do it. This is an extreme case but the message is clear. If you know what you want to change in your life, there is nothing that can stop you. All you need to do, is decide what you want to do, then set a plan of action for it.

All you need is the desire to change. Once you start, things will come into place to help you make that change. So the question is: What do you want to change in your life? Once you know that, the only other question, that you need to answer is: What’s stopping you?! If a Hardcore racist can do it, you can!

The following is a article written by Charlie Hoehn. He has been kind enough to allow me to post it on QualityBloke. I love the message of this article. Charlie gives you straight forward advice on how to change your life.

Over to Charlie:

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“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

Back during spring break of 2008, my friends and I were playing craps at a casino in Vegas.  We were all gambling with less than $200 in hand, and each of us would get visibly/audibly excited whenever we won more than $50 (high rollers, I know).

My roommate started chatting up the guy next to him, who had a large stack of $100 chips.  He told my roommate that the most he’d ever won in one night was $40,000.  The most he’d ever lost?  A quarter million…

He didn’t seem too proud of the $40K, and he wasn’t upset about the $250K.  It was all very matter-of-fact.

Both of those numbers made me uncomfortable.  They were so far outside of my reality.  I imagined how drastically my life would change if I won $40K, or if I just had access to a quarter mil… And here I was, scrubbing around with $5 chips and justifying my losses with free drinks.

The interesting thing about money, skills, success, and happiness is that they are never absolute.  They are all entirely relative.  Your limits for each of them were largely determined by the people you spent the most time with, and the culture you grew up in.  This is a fairly obvious observation, but why don’t more people take advantage of its implications?

That guy in Vegas was comfortable with his numbers because it seemed normal to him.  Each of his closest gambling buddies would, undoubtedly, have wins and losses that were in the same ballpark.  In fact, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had followed up his tale of losing a quarter million with “but my friend lost a half million in one weekend!” A $250K loss was reasonable, because it was relative.

Your outlooks are surprisingly plastic.  To change them, it’s simply a matter of removing yourself from the environment and the norms you’ve grown accustomed to, and surrounding yourself with people who are at the level you want to reach.

If you truly dive into a new environment, your old mentality will always adapt to it, and your resulting worldview will manifest itself in your behaviors, decisions, and actions. In other words, the people you spent so much time with will have drastically changed the way you think and act, whether you like it or not.

If you want to change your life, change your social circle.  Spend as much time as you can with people who have achieved your desired state, and let them sculpt your views.  Accept the fact that you’re inevitably going to change as a result, and embrace it!  As you talk with and observe them over the course of several months, they will slowly fade from “remarkable” and eventually become “normal.”  Their thoughts and actions will no longer seem wildly above your abilities — just more intelligent and calculated than you’ve been used to.  You’ll wake up one day, and realize your benchmark has been raised.  And you will hold yourself to a new standard, until you decide to lift yourself up to the next level, and surround yourself with new folks who fit your revised definition of “rich” (or “successful,” “skilled,” etc.)

Sure, there will be a few social climbers who are never content with what they have.  But you can consciously use this dynamic to change your life.